Puke

I got super sick with something weird.  I had an awful headache - all migraine-ish.  Then my stomach started to hurt really bad.  Then my entire body did a rewind... meaning everything I had eaten returned to my mouth.  Gross.  No one else was sick.  I think I ate some moldy granola.  I noticed later that they looked questionable and blueish, so I threw the bag away. 
Anyway... the kids decided they were going to help.
Christian says he has "magic hands" so he put them on my stomach.  He also put a wet rag on my forehead. 
Tay wanted to help, too.
She plopped a wet washrag on my face.  It felt like she had tried to plug up the Titanic with it.  There was a wet trail all the way from the bathroom to me.  My hair was wet, my face was wet, and my pillow was wet.  I asked her to go wring it out first.
She came back.  This time, with a finger extended towards me.  Ryan said she was just pretending.  So, I let her rub my face with her finger.  It didn't smell pretend.  It smelled like BioFreeze.  It didn't feel like pretend.  It burned. 
I hollered, "Nope.  That is not pretend!  She rubbed BioFreeze on my eye."
I told her to go wash her hands.  As she was trying to get off of me, she stepped on my ribs.  HARD.
She came back saying she needed to rub my back.  That sounded GREAT.  So, I turned over.  She tried to pull my pants down.  I made her quit.  She tried again saying she was going to fix my hiney.  Excuse me, whaaaa?  I checked her hands.  She had baby Vaseline slathered on her fingers.
In the end, I had wet hair, a cold wet pillow, a burning eyeball, a bruised rib, and a greasy backside.
Hopefully this is the end of her doctoring career.