Tayles

Watch out for us on the next Walmartians email you get. 

Maven didn't have shoes, her diaper hung way past her skirt and literally skimmed her inner knees (In my defense, she IS between sizes. But, it doesn't help that it was severely wetted, er weighted down.). This fact was not-so-subtly pointed out by a young passerby. Tay took off her own shoes somewhere mid-shopping experience. All three of the kids were running around like bats by a strobe light. This is no exaggeration. They ganged up and boycotted cart-sitting. (There may have even been some picketing in their riot.) I should have just have admitted that this was too much bottled up energy for a Walmart afternoon. Stubbornly, I went ahead. As I was looking at something frozen, I had my back turned. All three kids danced around in the aisle making wild animals noises. A VERY elderly lady in a motorized cart came our way. Her not-young-enough assistant followed. I said "y'all watch out" and "move" in every way possible except French. Nothing happened. So, I grabbed Tay to physically move her. She fell. (Of COURSE she fell.) To keep things progressing, I grabbed Maven to move her while Tay found her balance. Maven fell, too. As I helped Maven get up, Tay jumped up like a cat that had spotted prey, ready to pounce. She DID pounce. And the prey was the elderly lady's basket on her motorized cart. Tay grabbed her little basket (the one that sits in front of the handle bars), fixed her feet on the motor, and arched waaaaaay back while releasing a very loud "woooeeeeeee" noise. Ck laughed first. Then I lost it. Doubled over in uncontrollable hysterics, I tried to muster up a "get off of there". But, it sounds more like an echoed "bbbbbwwwwaaaaa". The lady never cracked a smile or batted an eye. I tried to make it a swift grab and walk off, but Tay ran from me - in circles - still in front of the lady's cart - so, she was STILL "observing" us. Finally. FINALLY. Finally, her path was clear and she passed us, turning down the next aisle - where I am sure she could still hear CK and I laughing inappropriately loud and prolonged. 

Shortly after, Tay tried to crawl under my cart. As soon as her head went under the basket, he hair got stuck. She pulled and screamed and hollered as her hiney was stuck in the air. 

I thought about leaving her there until after checkout. But, she had already made a scene. 

On the way back from my Dad's house, Tay ate 2/3 of a bottle of baby powder with a spoon. It was nighttime and I thought she was sleeping - not OD'ing on talc!! I heard her choking. When I checked on her, she pretended to be asleep. I saw choking + limp kid + white lips and assumed she was dead. I pulled over in a completely panic. Which shortly shifted to confusion, disgust, and anger all at once. 

We went to Sak's Fifth Avenue. This is how it looked when we left: 

When we got there, that mannequin had two arms, both fully attached. To make up for it, she mopped the floor with her back. 

This is my life with her. This is her life forever. 

A few things that have come from the mind of Taylor Rose:

Does God have a phone? Can you call him? 

Awwww! 

(Looking at road kill)

Poor little guy. That skunk is dead with his blood all shot out of him. Let's get a bag and take him home. 

That horsey just said "bye" with his tail!