Getting Wacky with all this Mathy

Wacky for Waco, and mathy cuz I put a lot of + and = in this post.  Fun stuff, I tell ya!

We go to Waco a lot. Like, nearly-three-times-a-month a lot.
Actually, we have plans to move out to some acreage near Waco.  Yeehaw!
My second cousin, her husband, and their three kids (who are my kids' forth cousins.  How's that for knowing family?!) live in the Waco area.  So, when get go down there, we stay with them in their "hotel" house.  Seriously.  I've never seen so many places to sleep in a house or so many people coming in and out of a house. 
They also have over 20 chickens, a prairie dog, two small dogs, two teeny tiny dogs, a Persian cat, a Himalayan cat, two kittens, two hermit crabs, fish and a shrimp (though, the fish disappeared and the shrimp looks suspiciously plump) a green parrot (Its probably not even a parrot.  But, its green and it has wings and it makes A LOOOOOOOT of noise.  That = parrot to me.), a rat, a turtle, huge Koi fish, five ducks, and about 498 stuffed animals that all end up on the floor when we come over. 
They don't live on property.  Well, two acres.  But in a residential area. 
Somehow, their zoo is miraculously and exhaustingly all kept under wraps, though.
Six kids in one house, plus that aforementioned zoo, makes for a very calm house when we visit.
NOT!

Kelson once completely chopped down a banana tree and Tay ate it.  Little did she know, banana leaves are very spicy.  I thought she was poisoned by the way she was acting!  Luckily, Google came to the rescue with its banana leaf wisdom and saved us a trip to the E.R.
 
Kids + wheeled desk chair + slippery garage floor = fun, amiright?
Actually, it goes more like this... Tay + wheeled desk chair + destiny = GIANT hematoma
Ever seen this movie?  It should star Tay.

I literally thought her brain was protruding from her forehead. I kid not.  I called a doctor friend that was just down the road.  (His daughter was sort of "babysitting" all of our kids, so it made sense) 
Kelli turned green and almost passed out.  Bonnie panicked and couldn't look at it. 
I needed my supermom cape.
No, it was serious.  I really thought it was baaaaad.  When a mass the size of a tennis ball cut in half comes out of a forehead, that means no bueno.  I could literally see it growing.  I put some frozen peas (Or broccoli.  We weren't thawing it for dinner, so I didn't pay much attention.) on it and she laid her head on me.  Pugs are sooo cute, but I never wanted my daughter to resemble one.

Her eyes were starting to look really far apart and her forehead was huge. 
But, then, it started to go down.  Greg (the doc) came over to check her out. 
She was fine, just funny looking for a few days.

The grownups were all hanging out, drinking a few beers.  Not all wild and irresponsible, just chit chatting a little bit.  The kids were keeping themselves occupied.  The next morning, Ryan sees Christian with a beer.  He asked him what was going on.  (I am sure he said more than that)  After some hefty briefing, I discovered that the boys had occupied themselves the night before by DRINKING OUR BEER.  (They split one whole beer, to be exact.  But tried, spit out, and dumped many.)
I didn't know if I should be angrier that they drank a beer or that they wasted so many because they thought they were "bad".  Turns out, they liked my apple cider beer, but Ryan's cheap Lonestar beer had gone "bad".
Now, before you go shaking your finger, you should know that the beer fridge is in the garage, which is where the kids were playing.  We figured they knew better (and didn't think they knew how to work a bottle opener).

Tay let her same-age cousin smell her hiney.  More than once.
(This could possibly be because Bonnie tells the kids they need a bath because they have "stinky hiney".  I have been known to say this, too.)

Christian invented the "naked game" to play with his almost-same-age-not-same-gender cousin.  We told him it was inappropriate.  (Why is this something that every kid does??  Different name, same game.)

We walked around 42 acres.  There was one single fresh human 3"x3"ish terd pile (no bathrooms, and duty called for a kiddo) there on that FORTY TWO acres. 
Ryan found it.  With his shoe.  And he was unaware for waaaaay too long.
It was a humid day, so everything was wet and sticky.
So, it spread.  Onto his other shoe.  And his pants. 
You might be thinking it was on a high traffic trail or something.  No, there are no trails.  Nothing is high traffic there.  
Are we seeing where Tay gets her luck?
Bonnie and I had been smelling it for a while.  Human feces is a very recognizable smell.  Ryan was completely oblivious. 
When we finally discovered it, we also discovered that there's nothing to wipe a human terd off of your shoes in a cactus field except for a cactus.
And cactus = thorns.  Terd thorns.

Other than the creepy and scary stuff, we have a really good time.

(they caught minnows and crawfish at the pond across the street)



 

Our "one"

I think its funny when people with just one kid call their life “chaos”. But, lately, I can kind of see where that parent of one living in chaos is coming from. 
It only takes ONE to offset the balance.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying she is our bad egg. She is actually far from it. She is always very happy and loving. Always. She is just our serenity flipper… our on-edge setter… our blood pressure bobber… our funny bone. And she does it all with the sweetest smile and cutest little munchkin face.

In our case, most of the events that our “one” brings forth are both baffling AND hilarious. We scratch our head and slap our knee at the same time, sort of like the ol’ “Can you pat your head and rub your belly at the same time” trick.
(… or was it pat your belly and rub your head? I forgot. Ugh. Whatever)

Over the last few weeks, I have compiled a list of the newest things that Tay has said, done, or does that really help explain her character:

Her: I want a skunk with pits that don’t stink. I awso (also) want a baby hippo that stays small and a pink squirrel. Mom, will you get me that pwwweeeease? And a monkey that doesn’t hang?
Me: Thinking - Doesn’t she realize that’s like asking for crotchless panties? Her requirements completely defeat the purpose.

Her: I want a famiwy (family) like that, Mom. Can we have that kind of famiwy?
while watching The Hunchback of Notre Dame, talking about having a hunchback, Esmeralda, and a few gargoyles.
Me: Uh huh. Sure. When you get big.

Her: I want a pink fwower (flower) like on Jo Jo.
while watching Dr. Seuss’s VERY fictional movie “Horton Hears a Who”, which has totally not-real cotton candy looking flowers in it.
Me: Who is Jo Jo?
Her: The movie!!!! Jo Jo! Don’t say what the heck. You have to know.
Me: Okay. (laughing)
Her: Don’t waugh.
Me: Okay. (laughing more)
Jo Jo is a very minuscule character in Horton Hears a Who. Tay is notorious for picking a very small part of something and using that to describe it. Its up to the parents to figure out what she is talking about. She is of no help and often gets frustrated at our stupidity.

Her:  Lets watch the booger movie.
referring to Little Monsters - there's ONE scene where he picks his nose.

Her: When I get big I want to live with Grace and eat Popsicles all the time. She will tell me to lay down and close my eyes when she is big and I get wittle. (little)
after playing, she came to tell me this and then ran off

Her: Can Maven have a bwinky when she gets little?
(bwinky = blinky = binky = pacifier)

Her: Sparkwy (sparkly) shoes are soooo beautiful! And princess ants bite, but they’re soooo sooo pretty!

Her: Camels have babies in their backs.
in the middle of a very different topic

Christian: Mom, will you stop and get me, like, a little sandwich or something.
Me: No, baby. We are not going to stop and eat. No sandwiches, we have dinner ready.
Tay: Well, will you stop and get a big sandwich?

Her: If I get fat, I will fall all the way down when I swim.
after about 10 minutes of silence in the car

Her: I can’t eat it. I will mess up my wipstick. (lipstick)
while rolling a sticky fruit strip around in her hands and wiping all over her seat, my cars, and her clothes

Me: We are going to stop for dinner.
Her: Can we go to a party and eat cake and ice cream for dinner?

Her: I am going to get huger than a choo choo train.

Her: I want to wisten to MY song.
Me: Which one? You have a lot.
Her: The “Ahhroooo” one.
Me:  after going through about 12 songs  This is it!
Her: No, its not! 
Me: Yes, it is.  knowing full well it isn’t and laughing hysterically with Ryan at our frustration

Bryson: This pool water is really warm.
Me: Ew. Its like pee water! Its been really hot outside lately.
Tay: No. That was me. I peed. 
Dead serious face. Then smiles and goes under water to swim. In her pee water.

Christian: Eeeeeewwwww, Taaaaaayyyyy!!!! (making a HUGE deal about it)
Me: What happened?!
Christian: Oh! This is sooo gross!!!! Tay wiped a big booger on my arm!
Me: Tay, did you wipe a booger on Christian?
Tay: Yessss (in her weird goofy voice). I didn’t want it anymore. It was stuck on my fanger. (finger)
Ryan: Well, that makes sense. I’ve had boogers that just wouldn’t come off before.
Me: At least wipe it on your seat!

First thing in morning, she comes out to see me. The night before, she had a fever.
Her: My arm pits aren’t hot anymore.

Her: If my pumpkin gets stinky, I can just put it in my panties.
She hates when things get stinky and seems to have a very sensitive nose. She had no pockets that day, so her panties had to sub in.
Me: Not at church.

 

Christian:  Moooomm!!!  Tay ate my green fishing worm.

Me:  Christian, I really don't think she'd eat that.

Tay: spitting out the worm on the carpet

A lot of the things she does are just really off-the-wall weird.
Lately, almost daily, she whines after I give all the kids their food.
She will look at it and whine saying “I am so hungry!”. 
“Then eat your food, Tay.”
“I can’t. I am too hungry…. Whine, whine, whine, whimper.”
“Stop whining, Tay. You can talk.”
“I can’t talk! My mouth makes me whine.”
She does that a lot now, too. She blames whining on her mouth. Then she whines more because she says her mouth is whining.

She also likes to get disappointed at me and Ryan when a commercial comes on involving some place she hasn’t been. I don’t mean the Disney Cruise commercial or even the state of Iowa commercial. I mean a commercial where a cartoon family is all smiling, eating ice cream, riding on hovercraft vehicles, and wearing space helmets. She will say “Why haven’t you taken me to that place where they are? I want to smile, eat ice cream, wear a helmet, and ride in that flying thing.” It doesn’t matter how ridiculous the commercial or ad is. Somehow, its MY fault that it doesn’t exist. Even the Earth’s Best Organic commercial where they climb up in the tree and eat a grapefruit. I need to take her there so she can eat a grapefruit. She really, really wants to go to the party on Teen Beach Movie. (Me, too!!)

She is on a kick where she takes random things to bed with her. She sleeps in bed with me right now, so I am not sure how she plans on getting away with this stuff. Here are a few things she tried in the last 3 days:
A deflated pool tube (She said it was for me. So, I let her keep it since that made sense. NOT.)
A little piece of rabbit fur
A tiny gray plastic stick
A whistle (I am really not sure if she thought about how she’d get away with this one, or for how long. But, I do admire her confidence.)

　
She calls goggles “gobbles”, hiccups “pickups”, and lizards "wizards".

She licks random things. Like my arm, the pillow, her shoes, the table, the couch, Christian, etc.
 

 

 

Then, there's her usual.  The stuff she's always been doing.  Like:
 

Every.single.day she spills something.

 

Every.single.day she screams.  A lot.  A whole lot.

Every.single.day she falls.

She mostly bounces, instead of walking.

She breaks things.  A lot.  A whole lot.  In her defense, its usually because she fell on it or knocked it over.  But, a lot of times she broke it by tearing it apart.  She is a picker.

Every.single.day she eats at least one piece of dog food.  But, she doesn't always eat her dinner.  (Just for the record, I don't feed her dog food.  One of her chores is to feed the dogs.  I always check on her.  I always see her with a piece in her mouth.  I always make her spit it out.  I always think she'll grow out of it.)

Every.single.day she gets hurt in at least one really funny way.  Like, her dress will get caught on the trampoline springs and she'll be stuck hanging upside down.  Or she will be dancing, get dizzy, and run into the corner of the wall with her head. 

I know its not appropriate to laugh.  But, I was blessed with a unique sense of humor.  I can thank my mom and her family for that.

She loves snacks.  The other day, as I was getting her lunch, I noticed she had been gone for a while.  The rest of the story can be best told in pictures:

And then she fell as she was getting out of the shower.  And then I took a picture. 

This is an older video, but it sort of sums her up all into one bag.  Pun intended. 

Forever and ever, my sunshine she'll be.

(This is my song to her.  I sing it to her almost every night.)

A story about a boy. My baby.

Christian is part angel.
I can't remember when this was because it was a while back.  But, I told CK that my friend's grandma was sick and we needed to pray for her. 
He said "I can fix it". 
He got to work drawing some sort of a sketch and set out some vitamins with it.  He, then, asked me to take a pic and send it to my friend so she could tell her grandma "because she lives too far to go see her". 
(His words exactly.  Ummm, thus the quotation.  Duh.)
It was the perfect regimen - smiles and laughter.

The green tabs are just to make it fancy.  I mean, let's be honest... couldn't we all use a little more green tabs in our lives?

He is also part skilled marksman.
Watch out guy eyeballing our 1999 box television!

He is part rapper.
(This video is as seen on Facebook.  He is basically famous.  Just call him CKay Z.)

And, he miiiight also be part cheerleader. 
Are his toes painted in this video?  Crap.

He also has some mad math, geography, building, athletic, and reading skills. 
Just don't ask him to take a nap, play hide and seek, or write in legible handwriting. 
They're all his kryptonite.
May as well add dancing like a fool on stage in front of a crowd to his list of won't.ever.freaking.do.that.without.a.bloody.fight.
 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and my camera was beholding.

This is my favorite style of photography. 

Simple. 

No frills, no props. 

Just a sweet face that is full of expression. 

And this face suuure is sweet, isn't it?

 

 

 

She has the coolest spider web / snowflake design in her eyes.

You can see them here when she was a baby (scroll about halfway down).

 

Cumpleaños Feliz

Ryan's birthday was filled with manic cleaning, unpacking, and flour showers in the kitchen.  We had just returned from the farm, so dirt-filled clothes were everywhere.  Plus, we had a house showing. 
Side note: Having a house showing with 3 kids and 4 dogs should come with sort of a survival kit like a giant cage for them all.
The kids helped me bake Ryan a from-scratch chocolate cake.  That is where the flour shower happened.  I easily diverted them with the cake batter covered spoons and bowls.  A-okay, it all turned out well enough to eat almost the entire thing.
We ate at the park while our house showing was happening.  (We like being nearby so we can spy on scope out see the potential buyers.  We can also predict how much they liked our house by how long they lingered. Once, they actually walked up to us to meet "the neighbors".  Suuuuper aaaawkward!)

Maven played in their make-believe cooking cabinet.

 
Christian measured for me.

 
Tay helped mix.

 
And we all enjoyed it! 
(It was icing-free because Christian and I don't like icing and Tay will lick all the icing off, leaving the slobbery cake behind.  And nobody likes slobbery cake leftovers.)